A New Communication Model:
A Planner and The Keeper of the Truth
A man and a woman have two different parts to play in communication.

A Man is the Planner
Before a plan can be made we must know what is needed. It is a man's job to first discover the needs of his significant other. This discovery may take time to complete. It's not easy to tell someone what you need and it takes a lot of clarification to be sure of what she needs.

A man wants to get this accomplished because of the second responsibility he has in the communication and that is - suggesting a plan to her. What is the point in developing a plan that isn't followed or even heard. A man that has discovered his mate's needs can develop a plan that includes his needs and hers. Needs do not have to be sacrificed they must be shared so they can be met. Sharing needs is always necessary in any mature relationship. When he develops a plan through personnal reflection he hopes she will be enthusiastic about following it with him. If she is not, it only means that the discovery process has not been fully achieved. It is at this point that a man needs patience as he returns to the discovery of what his mate needs. It is only normal for her to change what she needs as she becomes more aware of what they are. Our culture has trained all of us to sacrifice our needs and consequently we have trouble being aware of what they are until they are discussed in the communication process. If a man wants to get his needs met, then he will be most grateful to the woman who is getting clearer and more accurate in what she needs. She senses his caring and understanding as he listens to her needs. She feels his love for her in his patience as she endeavors to share what she needs. She awakens to him as he makes the effort to discover her. It is a huge mistake ro think you already know someone. We are all changing constantly. Communication ends with assumptions. Don't try to check them out, give them up and be suprised as she reveals herself to you. It will only raise your desire more to be with her. A plan that actually involves her needs as well as his will be jofully followed by both the man and woman. It is the product of successful communication. Men often ask women what do they want but rarely learn what she needs. Trying to please someone is a way to avoid the risk involved with communication. Misunderstanding can provide the opportunity for intimacy and connextion if you are willing to work through it.

A Woman is the Keeper of the Truth

The womans job is to be honest about her needs. Typically a woman tells the man what he needs or what their children need but avoids stating what she actually needs. If a woman actually senses that a man really wants to know then she might be willing to test the waters to see just how far a man will go in trying to understand her. When men are inpatient with this process of discovery a most unfortunate development usually takes place. The woman tells the man what she wants him to do and hopes that if he does so her needs will be met. It rarely turns out the way she hoped. There is not enough communication and with the switching of the roles (she is now the planner, there is little truth) a woman often feels like she is doing all the work in developing the relationship and becomes angry. Men rarely see the value of a woman's anger and easily become intimidated by it. The value to the anger is the opportunity to recognize the communication is failing and he must step back into the process by working at clarifying what her needs are.

The second crucial step for the woman is to give honest feedback to the man when he unveils his plan. They both need to know that they are developing the plan together. He is putting both of their needs together in one plan and she is letting him know where he is successful in doing so and what the needs are that are not getting addressed. If she fails to be fully honest about it the communication will fail to produce a plan that she will want to follow; and when she doesn't he will feel like he is not able to get it right.

The woman holds the truth for the man to discover. She supports him in revealing the truth and encourages him to make the discovery of it. A woman's encouragement is crucial for a man to keep trying.

This model works very well in other venues as well.

Parents are in The Keepers of the Truth with all children at any age. Children are always The Planners with their parents.

Managers are in The Keepers of the Truth while their workers are always The Planners. This is the only way that people grow in the job and the success grows in the enterprise.

Older siblings are always The Keepers of the Truth while the younger sibs are the Planners maturing and growing up with their older sibs help.

I would be most happy to apply this model to any situation that you might find yourself in
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